AppliedCollaborativeClass

AppliedCollaborativeClass
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Thursday, March 8, 2012

If at first you don't succeed...You should probably take a break


             If at first you don’t succeed try try again.  There are always more fish in the sea.  These are two common phrases that are usually associated with failure of some type.  One area in which we are particularly susceptible to disappointment is in social relationships.  It is not often that one marries the first person they ask on a date, more likely than not one will have many failed relationships throughout life.  As psychologists we are interested in how rejection affects the social and psychological processes of people who go through rejection.   Kavanagh, Robins, and Ellis looked into how rejection might lead to changes in social motivation.  They posited that we tend to base our social aspirations based on the likelihood that we fulfill these aspirations.  As such, past experiences of failure and success lead to changes of the likelihood of success for any given aspiration.  For instance, if a student is taking organic chemistry and they fail most of the tests managing a final grade of a D- than they are less likely to take organic chemistry II because their past experience has informed them that they are not likely to succeed.  Conversely, if that student had done very well in organic chemistry than they are likely to continue onto organic chemistry II and believe that they will do well.   The researchers applied this way of thinking about potential success to perspective romantic relationships. 
                Participants in the first study were asked to talk to three other participants and answer personal questions that would presumably be used to match the participant with another person through a dating service.  The interviewers were not actually participants but researchers who were playing the part of the participant.  These researchers gave the participant fake feedback that was either positive or negative regarding the interview questions.  Some of the feedback questions were, “Would you want to continue a conversation with this person? Or would you want to introduce this person to a friend?”  These false feedback questions served to manipulate the participant’s self-esteem and their perceived likelihood of succeeding in future social endeavors.  Finally, participants were asked to scroll through profiles of potential romantic interests on a dating site.  The profiles were manipulated in their social and physical desirability.  The participants rated the profiles on several 7 scale questions regarding how interested they would be in that person and how interested that person would be in them.  The researchers found some interesting results from this study.
                    First self-esteem was greatly affected by the feedback from the participants.  Rejected participates had significant decreases in self-esteem, this decrease was greater in women than men.  For male participants acceptance also lead to a decreases in self-esteem but this decrease was minor in comparison to the rejection condition.  Women experienced an increase in self-esteem following acceptance.  More interesting though was that participants who were accepted believed that they would make a good match with the highly attractive profiles while the rejected participants believed they would be the best match for the less attractive profiles.  A second study found further support for this trend.
                The second study replicated the results of the first study with a more personal form of acceptance or rejection.  Participants again answered interview questions and received feedback, but instead of talking over an intercom were presented with a “live video chat”, the chat was actually a pre-recorded DVD.  Following the positive or negative feedback participants again recorded self-esteem and completed the same interest task as in the first study.  Rejection again lead to a decrease in self-esteem and lead to matching with less attractive profiles while acceptance increased self-esteem and lead to matching with higher attraction profiles.   So what do these findings mean and why should I care?
                We all face rejection on a regular basis.  Understanding how rejection may affect our behavioral processes is then very important.  It is not likely that one will always be successful in seeking companionship, therefore one should be equipped to handle disappointment and manage expectations.  One of the take always from this study is that following rejection self-esteem takes a dive and the perception of who one should be with changes.  As such, it would not be a good idea to seek companionship following an instance of rejection.  For example, if a significant other decides to call it quits, than the individual being dumped will have greatly reduced self-esteem and be more likely to sell themselves short when seeking new relationships.  It would seem then that a better strategy would be to maximize one’s self-esteem when seeking companionship.  Another important take away is to manage expectations.  Being rejected can lead to a downward spiral where the rejection leads to decreased self-esteem which may lead to choosing an disappointing partner which will likely lead to further decreases in self-esteem.  Instead, it would be better to be patient and pursue opportunities that are likely to pan out and to do all that one can to maximize self-esteem.  So in conclusion it appears that it would be better to focus on their being more fish in the sea and maximizing one’s fishing gear to snag one of those whoppers than to try try again when trying might just hurt more than taking a break. 

-Dan Miller
 
Kavanagh, P. S., Robins, S. C., & Ellis, B. J. (2010). The mating sociometer: A regulatory mechanism for mating aspirations. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 99(1), 120-132. doi:10.1037/a0018188 

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