Taking the Leap: Decision Making in Young Adult Romantic Relationships

            As teens progress through their high school years into their collegiate years, this is undoubtedly a period of hormonal changes, anxiety and stress, and a phase for experimental behavior.  It goes without saying that most parents of growing teens criticize their offspring for their inability to make informed, responsible decisions at this point in their lives.  In a study conducted by Amber Vennuum and Frank Fincham of Florida State University, they assessed decision-making in young adult romantic relationships.  Young adults in romantic relationships often face adversity in the realm of decision-making, as there may be miscommunication or a lack of communication entirely on specific subjects.  When analyzing the relationships of many young adult couples, the researchers discovered that some couples ‘gradually slide’ into life-changing events, such that things ‘just happen’, which reflects an absence of decision making in this transition.  “The lack of conscious decision making around important relationship transitions, such as sex, cohabitation, marriage, and pregnancy has been hypothesized to put relationships at greater risk of adverse outcomes” (Stanley, Rhoades, & Markman, 2006).  Personally, through reading romantic novels, hearing celebrity gossip, and watching romantic comedies, I’ve learned thus far that communication is key.  Although the results from this study may not be astoundingly surprising, they are alarming and worth attention. 

If couples are ‘sliding’ through decision-making, partners could develop a gradual increase in lack of understanding for one another because opinions and values are not being voiced.  In a negative light, the act of sliding past important decisions could morph into the act of sliding past warning signs of a bad relationship.  If couples are skipping over warning signs of a relationship on the brink of going sour, it may lead the individuals into staying in a relationship that is potentially destructive – both physically and mentally in behavior.  Overall, couples who aren’t open with one another about key aspects of their relationship are ultimately cheating themselves and their partners.  The very nature of a relationship is founded on having a relation with someone; if individuals aren’t relating in a vocal fashion, the foundation of such a relationship is bound to crumble at some point. So, ladies and gentlemen, how are we to go about preventing this problem entirely? Thankfully, the researchers have devised what is known as a RDS – Relationship Deciding Scale, a questionnaire reflecting on thoughtfulness regarding relationship decisions, awareness of and ability to deal with warning signs in a relationship, and confidence in being able to maintain a relationship.

The RDS exposes characteristics of a couple’s relationship by providing questions about 13 different values of a relationship, such as conflict resolution, negotiation, relationship satisfaction, positive interaction, dedication, alcohol consumption, hookups, and others as well.  The RDS is especially analytical, allowing individuals to answer straightforward questions on a 5-point scale and write reflections on their perceived relationship skills. Quite honestly, if I were in a position where I was unsure of the stability and commitment of my relationship with someone, I would hope that a questionnaire evaluating my decision-making would analyze multiple facets of my life and how I make regular decisions.  More specifically, the researchers not only assessed individuals’ awareness but also their ability to deal with relationship risk factors.  When sifting through this study, it is evident to me that one’s ability or lack of ability to make important decisions in one’s romantic relations can stem other negative characteristics into an individual’s collective personality – such as trouble with confidence and self-efficacy.  Ultimately, although the RDS analysis offers a unique, and seemingly, significant way to interpret an individual’s personality within a romantic relationship, I think that the biggest influence to change such a quality of someone comes from parental engagement.  If parents can teach their children early on the importance of being responsible, self-assured and motivated, as teenagers, they can carry themselves more confidently and act more appropriately in romantic commitments. As opposed to ‘sliding’ into big decisions, young adults will pay more attention to their comfort zones and hopefully, take initiative in discussing big decisions with their significant other. 

So, what can we take from this? Well, as we know young adults to be naïve and consumed in the process of learning through their teens and into their early twentys, it is apparent that they need knowledge on how to assess whether they are making smart, informed decisions (or any decisions at all) about their committed relationships.  Here, the RDS evaluation can take a definitive role in providing young adults with a quick way to assess the quality of their relationship – if they found themselves in a position of uncertainty or doubt.  Inadvertently, the RDS can assist young adults in becoming more ambitious, independent, and self-confident individuals. This evaluative questionnaire can take an impactful stance in a young adult’s life; at least, if nothing else, have the potential power to allow young individuals to take a step back and assess the quality of their current relationship – a source of potential change in one’s life.

Vennum, A., & Fincham, F. (2011). Assessing decision making in young adult romantic relationships . American Psychological Association, 23(3), 739-751.